Grief and God

Warning: Just about any discussion of faith is bound to offend someone.

There is nothing that calls into question your spiritual beliefs more than death. In life, it's easy to ignore God. He's up there, we're down here... you know how it is. Most people give some passing thought to their belief structures, but very few sit down and really have a heart to heart with God until they have to. Grief forces that experience on us. One of the things I've realized is that when the world that exists beyond this one becomes personal, than the whole life/death/afterlife thing becomes a lot more central to daily existance. I imagine it's a lot like how a child views the IRS: you may hear of it, you hear old people talk about it with fear, frustration and awe, you may glean the impression that it is an incredibly complicated issue rife with monetary tribute and yearly rituals, but you don't have any real relationship with the IRS until life forces you into it. The death of our loved ones requires us to re-evaluate what we really think, because suddenly it actually applies to those we care about and ourselves. I'm not sure, but I bet the terminally ill also know what I mean. Well, the terminally and any child whose parents lost their house to the demi-God that is the IRS.

What concerns me is that I find this experience - this coming to terms with ones own faith, if you will - to be a personal journey. One that every person has to figure out on their own. Maybe they run out of gas halfway through. Maybe they want to stop and ask others for directions. Maybe they stop and buy some Cheetos. The point is that the only person that can drive that road is you, and in the end we all wind up in different places. Even if you're the same faith as someone else, there are always elements of faith and religion that remain open to debate and varying interpretation, which means there isn't a single person on this earth that holds the exact same views as any other. It's part of what makes us incredible, part of what makes us human and part of why the divine is a mystery. Nobody has all the answers, not even you. All you've got is what you believe to be true based on what made the most sense out of all the stuff you've been told by those who went before you. Yeah, the road to faith is a personal one; but there seem to be an awful lot of backseat drivers.

Now, I understand as well as anyone that the grieving experience can wreak havoc with our faith, whatever it is we have faith in (be it God, Allah, Buddha or asparagus). It is natural to reach out to others in pain by offering them a sampling of your own beliefs: if it comforts you, then it may comfort them as well. It's usually a gesture made out of kindess and a wish to ease the pain others feel in the way your own pain is eased. Especially if a person has yet to come to any conclusions about what they believe, they may reach out to others, asking for other peoples opinions about what goes on with that Man behind the curtain. I can respect that, just as I can respect your unfettered right to believe whatever it is that strikes you as truth.

But so help me God, don't preach to me. Now before you lay into me for that last line, let me clarify. What I mean is don't look down on me because what I think is different than what you think (feel sorry for me if you must, but don't hold me in contempt; Jesus didn't). Don't tell me the consequences of not following your religion. Don't lecture me, don't chastise me and don't tell me what to believe without a reason to believe it (btw, "because it's God's word" is not a reason). Most of all, don't expect me to listen to your opinion if you're not willing to let me sell you mine with equal respect. It's one thing to offer ones beliefs when asked, one thing to offer your opinion respectfully as no more than that: a personal truth that means a lot to you. It's another thing entirely to pass judgement on my life, my beliefs or my faith because they don't line up with your personal truths. I'm perfectly willing to hear your truth and why you believe it to be so. I welcome that discussion, for we can't make informed opinions unless we have a lot of information to draw from in the first place. But that discussion needs to be taken with an I belive __x__ stance, and not a Believe this or else stance or a Believe this for it is the only truth stance. Do Not assume that just because a person's faith is different from yours that they have no faith at all. I respect you and your right to believe in whatever God brings you peace and meaning. But I think even God Asparagus would agree that I deserve that same respect in return.

I'm sorry in advance if this is offensive to anyone, but my experience of late has shown me that it needed to be said. I welcome and respect your point of view even if I don't agree with it, and I hope - expect - that you'll do the same.